So Very Sweet...

I get kinda spoiled during the month of May.  First it's Mother's Day and then within a week or so, it's my birthday.  LOVE that! Yes, May is a good month for me!

I must say that this Mother's Day and this birthday will be hard to forget.  It wasn't because of any particular gift that was given or anything like that.  I will explain............

Having my kids learn to love and serve has been important to me.  I look for opportunities for them to do these things.  Treats to their primary leaders on their birthdays or if they are sick. Notes to grandparents. Whatever I can think of.  I want them to see me serving.  "Hey wanna come with me to deliver this meal?". I want them to see me serving and loving with a happy heart, all with the hope that it will rub off on them and they will do the same.

Well, on Mother's Day this year, for the first time EVER, the kids all woke up early to make ME breakfast. They are NOT big fans of getting up early and Sunday mornings are often a little grouchy around our house.  We have a bunch of night owls, apparently.   It was really, really sweet and I was touched.  They put it on a tray and brought it to me as I was fixing my hair.  They helped keep the house tidy and cleaned up after meals. Hugs from Seth, who doesn't do that often. A card from Addie and many homemade necklaces as she sat behind the couch and made one after another for me.   I could tell they were trying to serve me and it made my day.

Then on Saturday, we were planning on having my mom over to celebrate both our birthdays since hers is three days after mine.  Sasha asked me to take her to the dollar store so she could get something for her grandma.  I was impressed that she thought of this on her own.  I always like a trip to the dollar store so off we went. She used her own money and picked out what she wanted to give her grandma.  A new mug, some lotion, and a treat.  When the time came to for grandma and I to open our gifts from each other, Sasha had a gift for me, as well.  She was totally sneaky and had gotten me a few things on our trip to the dollar store, too.  Again, I was touched.  What a sweet girl.

Today is my birthday and my kids have loved me and served me all day. I came to the kitchen this morning to see that Sasha woke up early and made me breakfast and then went back to sleep on the couch.  She is our total night owl so for her to have done this for me was impressive.  They tidied the house while I was gone getting my hair cut.We ate lunch at a favorite Chinese restaurant, and Seth did not utter one complaint despite the fact it is NOT his favorite place.  Sasha made me a cake and decorated it all on her own.  It fell apart as she tried to take it out of the pan so she could frost it, and she felt so bad!  But, we smothered it with frosting and it was quite delicious.

Sometimes I wonder if what I am doing as a mother is even working.  Are they learning?  Am I helping?  Seeing my kids love and serve me in their own way made my heart so happy. What a tender mercy.  It really was so very sweet. They REALLY do love me.....I'll try to remember that when they most likely groan tomorrow when I happily say, "Did you get your jobs done???".

And so it begins....

Baseball and Softball season is upon us.  Will is coaching Sasha's team AND Seth's team again this year.  I am his secretary and have only messed up a few times.  A last-minute change in time for one of the practices and I missed letting one....or maybe two girls know.  UGH.  Maybe I should fire myself. I AM trying. My mind has been on our new direction of not homeschooling for now, planning girl's camp, and getting my mom moved out of her house that sold in 2 days, and moved in with us. She is going to help me.....I have a list of projects to do while she stays with us until her new town home is done.  Yippeee!  Anyways.....back to baseball.....

Seth is playing 1st base and may be pitching for his team, The Houston Astros.  I will never tire of seeing those cute little boys in their uniforms out on the field.  Too cute. Seth is playing with the next age group, so he is no long the oldest and biggest kid on the team.  He has had a hard time connecting with the ball during batting practice and actually got mad at himself and sat in the truck for the last half of practice. Oh dear.

Sasha is playing 2nd base and also wants to try pitching for her team, The Bandits.  She is such a strong girl and has the ability to be a fabulous player.  We have been working with her each day on pitching.  I missed catching the ball and it totally bounced off my collarbone and hit my face.  But, I am ok. LOL.  There is no crying in baseball, right??

Addie isn't playing this year and is quite content getting snow cones during their practices and being the "Bat Girl", even though Seth would rather she not do that.  Brothers.

Audrey and Noah are content to run around and get into the recreation department's equipment during practice time.  A bucket of balls is too tempting.

Looking forward to a great season!  Let's PLAY BALL!!! We'll be at the baseball field every night of the week if you need us............ :)

Stopping Homeschooling.....An Honest Admission

This blog entry is by far the hardest one for me to write.  But here goes....

So much has changed in our house the last few months. Sasha let us know she wants to attend junior high, so we decided to send her. (She went to the band open house today and is going to play the flute.....Wahoo!!).

This past school year has been very hard for me.  The year before was hard, but this one has been worse.  I am not going to lie.  It is hard to admit when something is hard for you, that you aren't as "amazing" as everyone seems to think you are.  Audrey and Noah demand, and deserve more attention with each passing day it seems. I have found myself getting impatient with them as they get into things as we try to do school.  Lunchtime has come many times and I have realized that I have not played with my babies much at all since I was working with the other kids, who more and more don't seem to want to do their work.  Nagging on your kids over their school work, while trying to do housework, and take care of two wee ones is NOT fun. It is very draining, actually. I feel like my time with my littlest ones is slipping away.....

When we first started homeschooling, it was just Sasha. Now it is all three, and we have two little ones, and it is A LOT. It is hard.  It has me running all day, and drained at night.  Bottom line is I am not enjoying it like I used to.  Something needs to change.  The kids have felt it too, I am certain.  They have not seemed happy here at home, at least not like I had hoped.  Not all days are bad, don't get me wrong.  There are good things to be found in each day, but those "I-am-so-glad-I-homeschool" moments have been getting fewer and fewer.  Which is hard for me to say, trust me. I had visions of what I wanted our homeschool day to be.  I read books about what other moms do and how their day goes.  I can't be them.  I can't do what they do. I don't want to carry the weight of their education, all on my own anymore.  It is a heavy burden. I want some help with that!

My reasons for homeschooling are still in my heart.  I do think it has many wonderful benefits. I wanted it to work for at least a few more years with Seth and Addie, but we have decided to send them to public school in the fall.  I registered them today.  It was hard.

The past few weeks as I have worked through this have been tough and I have cried, thinking of all we have done, all we could have done, and what I can't do anymore. I know people will judge me. They will think what I am doing is wrong.  But, it is right for me.  It is right for our family. I want to be the best mom I can be, and for me, not homeschooling anymore is what I need to do.

I actually googled the phrase "Quitting Homeschooling" to see what I would find. I did find a few blogs with moms being very honest and sharing their experience.  I am grateful for them; for being willing to share with whoever comes along, their reasons why.  So, I hope my entry helps some other mom who needs to look at other options because homeschooling isn't working anymore. I hope she knows she isn't a quitter.  She is still a good mom and can still raise her children well.

I have learned so much in the past 5 or so years since we began homeschooling.  Don't judge another family by how they choose to educate their kids.  It is their choice.  We are all doing what we feel is best.  What works for one may not work for another, or it may work for a time, but not be right anymore.

We are doing our best to finish out the school year.........we are limping to the finish line!  I want to finish it out. And I also want to play with my kids in the summer sun. That sounds so very nice.