Stopping Homeschooling.....An Honest Admission

This blog entry is by far the hardest one for me to write.  But here goes....

So much has changed in our house the last few months. Sasha let us know she wants to attend junior high, so we decided to send her. (She went to the band open house today and is going to play the flute.....Wahoo!!).

This past school year has been very hard for me.  The year before was hard, but this one has been worse.  I am not going to lie.  It is hard to admit when something is hard for you, that you aren't as "amazing" as everyone seems to think you are.  Audrey and Noah demand, and deserve more attention with each passing day it seems. I have found myself getting impatient with them as they get into things as we try to do school.  Lunchtime has come many times and I have realized that I have not played with my babies much at all since I was working with the other kids, who more and more don't seem to want to do their work.  Nagging on your kids over their school work, while trying to do housework, and take care of two wee ones is NOT fun. It is very draining, actually. I feel like my time with my littlest ones is slipping away.....

When we first started homeschooling, it was just Sasha. Now it is all three, and we have two little ones, and it is A LOT. It is hard.  It has me running all day, and drained at night.  Bottom line is I am not enjoying it like I used to.  Something needs to change.  The kids have felt it too, I am certain.  They have not seemed happy here at home, at least not like I had hoped.  Not all days are bad, don't get me wrong.  There are good things to be found in each day, but those "I-am-so-glad-I-homeschool" moments have been getting fewer and fewer.  Which is hard for me to say, trust me. I had visions of what I wanted our homeschool day to be.  I read books about what other moms do and how their day goes.  I can't be them.  I can't do what they do. I don't want to carry the weight of their education, all on my own anymore.  It is a heavy burden. I want some help with that!

My reasons for homeschooling are still in my heart.  I do think it has many wonderful benefits. I wanted it to work for at least a few more years with Seth and Addie, but we have decided to send them to public school in the fall.  I registered them today.  It was hard.

The past few weeks as I have worked through this have been tough and I have cried, thinking of all we have done, all we could have done, and what I can't do anymore. I know people will judge me. They will think what I am doing is wrong.  But, it is right for me.  It is right for our family. I want to be the best mom I can be, and for me, not homeschooling anymore is what I need to do.

I actually googled the phrase "Quitting Homeschooling" to see what I would find. I did find a few blogs with moms being very honest and sharing their experience.  I am grateful for them; for being willing to share with whoever comes along, their reasons why.  So, I hope my entry helps some other mom who needs to look at other options because homeschooling isn't working anymore. I hope she knows she isn't a quitter.  She is still a good mom and can still raise her children well.

I have learned so much in the past 5 or so years since we began homeschooling.  Don't judge another family by how they choose to educate their kids.  It is their choice.  We are all doing what we feel is best.  What works for one may not work for another, or it may work for a time, but not be right anymore.

We are doing our best to finish out the school year.........we are limping to the finish line!  I want to finish it out. And I also want to play with my kids in the summer sun. That sounds so very nice.